I’m listening to you

Have you ever think about the motivations of some of the aggressive “debaters” in television debates? Or have you slammed your laptop down in disgust after reading the discussion under an article? Our society seems to be more and more polarized, and people can no longer disagree without getting into a fight. And often there is no person who would keep a heated discussion (be it live or for example on social networks) within the limits of culture…

We decided to “dust off” the disappearing “culture” of the interview, redefine it and bring it back to the light of day. We named our model “respectful discussion”, we named it clear and simple rules, and with the help of trained “moderators” we bring it to people. We contacted active cultural centers and high schools – to choose interesting topics and invite interesting people who could present these topics to the public in a discussion. Our moderators sit at the same table with them and discuss these topics with them, observing the predetermined rules of polite discussion. In this way, the public learns more about the given topic (home education, homophobia, liberalism vs. conservatism, etc.), but also learns to have a respectful discussion.

We have long talked about the need to bring politeness and respect into discussions, but the inspiration to formally anchor “respectful discussions” came only from our project partner Sturla Bjerkaker, founder of Bjerkaker Learning Lab from Oslo. He introduced us to several Norwegian models that resembled what we envisioned. Sturla Bjerkaker:

“It’s simple: in dialogue we should function both ways: to listen and to be heard.”

So it was enough to adapt the “Nordic Study Circles” to Slovak customs, name the principles of respectful communication, and “respectful discussions” were born. Sturla has been involved in adult education in various countries for many years. He came to Slovakia to train the first cohort of presenters, whose task is to put this format into practice in various Slovak cultural centers and schools.

According to clearly established rules, they moderate public respectful discussions on topics that can potentially polarize the audience, local residents or classmates. The topics come from the host himself: municipal politics, home education, respect for LGBTI people, the contradiction between conservatives and liberals, as well as the upcoming municipal elections, have so far attracted dozens of listeners. And those who cannot attend in person can watch the previous respectful discussions on our YouTube.

Dana Freyová, the project manager, has accompanied the respectful discussions since the birth of the ideas at the workshop of the non-profit organization Bystriny. She believed that the concept was necessary and that a Slovak viewer tired of arguments would like it, and this belief motivated her during the construction of the project, fundraising and the actual implementation.

It’s not easy to bring respectful discussions to life… but we believe it’s worth it and we inspire people to be civil and respectful even if they don’t always agree. Hopefully students in particular will adopt this approach and continue respectful discussions in the future – at school, at home and in their next job.

And what does Dana enjoy the most at work?

“The biggest motivation in working with this topic is the very interest of debaters with polarized opinions. When preparing the discussion, during conversations about individual topics, we must balance the importance of the topic itself with the importance of the form of the discussion. This project is an experiment and we are learning in the process how to most effectively set the rules and approach topics that are often sensitive on many levels. We get the most kicks when agreement and understanding occurs during the discussion itself. We know that penetrating the topics that polarize our society the most – is difficult, sometimes it seems impossible – that’s why we choose topics where there is a presumption of “agreement”, we learn from them and gradually increase the level of difficulty.”